Complete and Utter Crap

Know how gas stations aren't allowed to charge more for credit purchases of gasoline, so instead they offer a "discount incentive" for folks who use cash?

That's what my job does with our evaluations, and it's absolutely ridiculous to expect me to sign off on a lousy evaluation just because they say to. Not going to happen. So now, they want me to go through my 4 page evaluation point by point and explain why they don't see me in the same light I see myself. I'm not exactly modest, but I do actually see my strengths and weaknesses in a fairly clear light, and I'm not ashamed to make them obvious to people who are blinded by their own prejudices.

Don't blame ANYTHING on my so called "strong personality." As I said today, that's just an excuse for you not to like me. Guess what, I don't really care if you like me or not, but I expect to be judge fairly for my outstanding work. I go out of my way to put forth an effort, to wear my stupid "mild smile" whenever I'm there, which is more often than I'm with my family and loved ones, for sure. Sometimes it feels like doing anything else would be better than what I'm doing now, especially since I essentially live in a catch-22.

Don't give me any of the old line about how the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'd be happy right about now to be convinced that grass still exists somewhere; that it hasn't all been trampeled down by the mediocrity that is our pitiful existence. I don't intend to cut off my nose to spite my face, but seriously, do you have to hand me the blade and make it so easy to make what you consider to be mistakes? I follow orders to the letter, which has never been my strong point (but I can do it without complaint now), and still end up being wrong. Time and time again I've had to redo work multiple times because our supervisors can't get it straight what they actually want from us minions.

I'm supposed to write out what makes me outstanding .at work. Why I am better than they want to think I am. How am I supposed to "provide documentation" on why I am a good employee? That doesn't exist... but supposedly a handwritten affidavit is acceptable. Want me to wax poetic about how I do the work of multiple employees? Nope, because that's not allowed. Want me to explain how I catch higher-ups in potentially disastrous mistakes? Nope, that's also unacceptable. How about how I volunteer for fourteen hour shifts, up to three in a row, while juggling school, home, and poor health? Can't mention that, because it's expected of me. So, maybe I can mention how I learn things that I am not expected to begin to comprehend, like the complicated diet orders, how to do every position in the back of the house, or how to know when people are talking about you behind your back. Can't bring any of that up either, since I'm only "stirring the pot" and looking for more trouble.

Sometimes, you're damn lucky that I come in at all. Every breath I take is plagued by pain, and moving my body parts is more often than not cause for anguish. I still show up, day after day, and excel at my job, and help others to become better in the process, all while taking care of the people we are there for - the patients. Want me to be an example to my fellow co-workers? I am, you just don't like us to strive for better, because then we leave. Stop punishing me for being right, and look to correct the actual problems that exist in our department.




By the by, I know that the internet is monitored by spies/employees/staff at my job, present and future. I don't care. Nothing I say, in this post, any other, or out loud is anything other than what I see as truth. Sorry if you don't understand that. In other words, I'm sorry that you think I'm wrong...
but I'm not.