Blogging Fail.

So, seriously, we all knew this was going to happen. It's been over a year since I last posted... and oh my, how things have changed. Relocated (albeit temporarily) to East Lansing, Michigan, home of MSU (GO GREEN!) and my best friend from Korea. I miss my family something terrible, so at the very least I should appreciate them more and make sure they know how much I love them.

I'm getting myself involved in the community here, there are so many great people. That's probably because it's a college town, but so is Schenectady, and I just never noticed this type of camaraderie. Maybe because I wasn't in such need for friends? It was very different moving over 600 miles away, knowing less than a dozen people in my new hometown. You tend to reach out to people in that circumstance, even when you're normally more likely to keep to yourself. At least, that's how it feels to me.

I find myself at a loss for words trying to explain where I am at this particular point in my life. I'm young, only 23 years on this Earth, but feel world weary. My actions and dreams are youthful, but my body betrays me. My thoughts and decisions are burdened by years of interesting, though not regrettable, decisions. I have made many friends... and lost many more. I have fallen in and out of love. I have learned what it means to the people dearest to me when I am self-destructive, and have begun to learn how to control that aspect of myself. I have met my limitations and forced them aside.

I refuse to be conquered by my pain. I am embracing it, what it is to me, what it has led me, no... allowed me to become. Without it, I wouldn't have had the drive to do what I have. The courage, the self-confidence, the determination... the pure rage that forces me ahead.

That said, my spine has deteriorated considerably, so I'm now completely missing the cartilage that should be cushioning the vertebrae at the base of my spine. My ribs are still the wonderful source of agony they always have been. My right knee is pretty useless due to a torn medial meniscus. My left scaphoid didn't heal properly, so I can't use my left wrist to push anything. My left shoulder still likes to run away from the socket, as does my right hip. Most concerning at this point is the fact that my lungs are rebelling against themselves, causing a very interesting cough and insane peaks of pain.

But... I'm alive.

My family loves me. I have food in my belly when I remember to eat it. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes to keep from being bare. I have friends who embrace my quirks and peculiarities.

It could be worse.